Creative Writing

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Solitare is My Favorite Game


When you are in high school, everything important tends to hang anxiously on relationship status. Usually high school girls are the ones who depend greatly on a boy to make them happy. I was no exception to this assumption.
In October of 2003 I turned seventeen. I had a great boyfriend, I was a starter on the Varsity Women’s Field Hockey team and eventually was voted Most Humorous in my senior class. For a senior in high school with no real exposure to the any other lifestyle, life was good. The only thing I was truly focused on was my relationship with Alex and where it was going. In my mind, we were going to get married and live a long happy life together. In my mind, everything was perfect. Our peers thought the same way, jaded by the disillusionment of high school. With everyone telling me what I wanted to hear versus what I needed to hear, I was completely immersed in a day dream.
Jump to today and I’m not with Alex. He is now a Marine at Camp Pendleton. I haven’t talked to him in a while. I haven’t had any other boyfriends since Alex. It’s not that I never wanted one again, but when you start to truly grow up you realize what you really want in a significant other. I do not consider settling a form of true love. I don’t settle. I know what I have in mind and I’m waiting for it.
Alex and I were together throughout my first year of college. We found ourselves in difficult situations. He went to Long Beach State, which isn’t too far away, but the transition from seeing each other everyday to being limited to only weekend visits was trying on both of us. Our relationship seemed promising when summer finally came and nothing seemed wrong. Most of our summer days and nights were spent together at his apartment. We watched movies, went to dinner, and that was about it. In all actuality, our relationship became boring. It was boring but safe. So that’s why I stayed in it. I needed to feel like I wouldn’t be lonely forever.
Of course I get lonely sometimes and get jealous when my friends find someone, but I can’t control it. There is a lot of pressure at this age to find someone and be secure. At this moment I know of eight different couples who are engaged to be married. I also went to the wedding of two nineteen-year olds only one year out of high school. With all of these occurrences happening all around me, its’ hard not to get discouraged from time to time.
However, being in college for the first time as a single woman has really changed my lifestyle. I am able to confidently explore my options for my future without having to add in the relationship factor. Even though my phone is not ringing off the hook with gentleman wanting my attention, I’m secure with the fact that it will ring eventually and someone important will be on the other end. I like being able to hang out with my friends with no interruptions. I like to try new things with new people. Although not all relationships limit you from doing these things, most of them do.
Alex and I broke up in an extremely immature manner. He decided to end things with me five minutes before he left for work. While I sat on his bed not believing any of it, he got ready and brushed his teeth.
“Listen,” he said, “you can stay here if you want. You’re kind of emotional. I don’t want you driving like this. I’ll be back at nine if you want to talk or something. Bye.” He turned and opened the door.
“Wait, uh, Alex…” I tried to make a complete sentence before he was gone. It didn’t work. He left and after about thirty minutes, I did too. I thought I was going to die. My life was over and there was nothing I could do to change it. My friends told me the obligatory reassurances:
“You’ll find someone else.”
“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
“He just wasn’t the one for you.”
“You’re better off!”
Normally, people don’t listen to these cliché statements which are routinely made to the freshly brokenhearted. Their words are void compared to the aching pain in their chest. People should definitely listen to these small pieces of advice more often.
Presently, I am at ease with being single. There is nothing about my life that I would change at the moment. I live with three amazing friends and have many more that I hang out with on a regular basis. I have made more changes with my major, my future, and my goals than ever before and I feel good about each decision I’ve made. I won’t be single forever, but for now, I am and that is pretty cool.

3 Comments:

Blogger nonfiction hottie said...

I love the dialogue you gave Alex. You make him sound like such an ass. I think a converstaion from the "boring" part in your relationship would be a great way to contrast with the emotional breakup conversation.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Lost Poet said...

You tell more than show unti l you get to the last little bit of your essay when you add some dailogue. Can you show me something at the beginning? Set up a scene that reflects everything you are trying to explain? You voice stays mainly active, though you do have a slight trend of the "for" sentences: sentences starting with the word "For" and ending passively. Just watch out for an over use of this.

2:21 PM  
Blogger Nicholas J. Huegel said...

I'm supposed to talk about avoiding cliches. I found a big one: your topic. The whole class wrote about relationships for their first writing assignment, and many used that topic again for their memoir. The whole idea of relationships going bad seems sour to me now.

However, that's not to say that the essay is without merit. Far from it. Your title, to begin with, is very clever, as well as your matter-of-fact description of your ever more boring and shallow relationship. It reminds me of an episode of Freaks and Geeks, where many times they would take cliches about high school and stand them on their ear. I think you are, to some extent, doing the same thing here.

7:09 PM  

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