Creative Writing

Monday, September 11, 2006

There have been many points in my life when I was in pain; when I couldn’t breathe, when my eyes were stinging, when my stomach hurt. There have been many times in my life when I cried and wiped away spontaneous tears while screaming the word stop repeatedly. At these moments, I was laughing hysterically and they were the best moments of my life. These times were shared with my best friend Ashley Rose Turner.
Sitting in American History class my junior year of high school things looked pretty dismal. The blank, white walls laughed at me because I was stuck here, made to study a subject I held no interest in. Ashley sat next to me, pale skinned and dark haired, quite, but smiling. We were acquaintances, politely exchanging ‘hello’s and laughing at Mr. Coleman’s wild antics. We enjoyed each other’s company in class and that was it, no other real effort was made to hang out until later.
Ashley and I began hanging out more and more, connecting on different levels and just being ourselves together. We went through our fair share of situations that made us grow up much too fast. We cried more tears than I thought either one of us could produce. We became each others strong holds to get through circumstances no sixteen-year-olds should go through. Without each other, we would be very different.
When I moved to school, it was hard on both of us to find time for each other again. She came to visit once, and I would try to come home when I could and hang out, but things were different. I wouldn’t say we grew apart, but we hit a plateau in our friendship, just waiting for it to sky-rocket again, and it would.
I would say that Ashley and I have grown closer just within this last year. Maybe it is because this has been the first time in a long time that I haven’t been jaded by a boyfriend. Being single always helps. Ashley and I talked almost daily and our friendship grew fast and strong. Then she called me and told me what I never wanted to hear.
“I’m moving to New Mexico.”
I didn’t know what to think and to be honest none of it hit me until she was already gone. There was nothing you could say that would convince me it was true. I didn’t believe her until it was happening. We had a large party, spent as much time as we could together, but somehow it still feels like it wasn’t enough. The saying, “you don’t know what you've got until it’s gone” never applied to Ashley. I knew what I had and I never wanted it to leave.
August 7, 2006 Ashley moved to New Mexico. We talk almost daily. We cry more tears than I thought either of us could produce. We are each other’s strong holds and are still ourselves together. There are still times when I am in pain, when I can’t breathe, when my eyes are stinging and when my stomach hurts. There are still times when I wipe away spontaneous tears while screaming the word stop repeatedly. And although she isn’t here with me, Ashley will always be the best moments of my life.


Blogger Jessica said...

I love how you wrapped up the story by connecting the beginning and the end. You gave a great back story to the characters, I don't have many questions. As a reader I am curious as to what some of those experiences were, though you may not want to go into too many details on that. You know that you have an obvious cliche, you put it in quotes. It seems that this is almost a cliche itself, best friends have to move apart, yet how your put it together made it unique. I would try to move away from the gerneral statements about your friendship, try describing it in a different way that brings your unique bond to life for the reader. I hope this helps and if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

10:03 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

You do a great job of bookending your memoir - I really liked that. The pacing felt a little awkward, like you were speeding through backstory to get to the actual event of her moving away. Maybe you could spend more time on the actual moment that she left instead? Also, I think that by showing us a little more instead of just telling us straight out what happened, you'll trust your readers more to figure out how you felt about her leaving.

2:38 PM  
Blogger nonfiction hottie said...

I was expecting something different, and I feel that you didn't deliver on a promise to the reader. I was expecting a memory of something that happened a long time ago, and while you met a long time ago, the focus of this piece seemed to be just the past months.

To really face the dragon, I would suggest really showing us your pain that Ashley helped you get through or vice versa. There is nothing in this memoir that shows you two interacting.

Great job.

5:21 PM  
Blogger ValerieG. said...

I really liked this memoir. It is a moment in your life that others can relate you but it is still only yours. For factual versus emotional truth, the facts are described in enough detail...not too much but the reader still knows the who, what, where and why and it is in great balance with the emotional aspect.
As far as the Flatness of Diaglogue, I think it works out perfect even though there isn't any dialogue. Like I said, I really liked it and I like the idea of making it go full circle.

10:48 PM  

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